Cheese Bible
All Too Flat Membership

We are now offering exclusive memberships to All Too Flat. Razzle and dazzle your friends and your foes when you whip out your All Too Flat membership card, proclaiming your affiliation to one of the Internet's premiere websites. For a membership fee of only $10, you'll receive:
  • An official membership card proclaiming your status as a member of All Too Flat, the Internet's premiere website for geeky humor.
  • An official title chosen by you and printed on your card.
  • A personal welcome letter written and signed by our Chief Executive Geek, the all-too-geeky Ben Stein.
  • Your name on our membership page with a link to your website.
  • A personalized haiku on your favorite topic written by the All Too Flat Poet Laureate, Kenny B.
  • An official All Too Flat oval bumper sticker.
Click to see other side Note: No really. This is for real. We are really offering memberships. Exciting, no?

As a member of All Too Flat, you will receive an official All Too Flat title, with all the privileges associated with it. Your membership card is also your ticket into the VIG (Very Important Geek) section at sanctioned All Too Flat events.

The membership card uses a patented faux-website technology that condenses the look and feel of the All Too Flat website into a manageable wallet-sized space. Your name and title are clearly printed on the front. Also included will be your membership number and inception date. The web address appears on the bottom right, just in case you forget how to get to All Too Flat. The back of the card (click on the image to see the reverse side) has your personalized haiku printed on the back.

Your membership card isn't just a piece of laminated paper stating your affiliation to our organization. Scientists have shown that placing your membership card on your keyboard will increase the speed of downloads from by up to 300% (*). Furthermore, it also doubles as a nifty bread crumb scooper and a handy measuring device (the paper is exactly 3 1/4" by 2"). As if this isn't enough, we've compiled a whole bunch more ingenuous uses for your All Too Flat membership card.

But enough about the card! You'll also get a very cool All Too Flat oval bumper sticker. Put it on your car, bike, or your favorite bus.

Special Offer: An elgooG commemorative membership card. Instead of a normal membership card, you'll get a mirrored membership card! Decodable with virtually all reflective surfaces. Available now for no additional cost.

For a limited time we are offering a lifetime membership for only $10. Prices will be rising soon so act now. If you're interested fill out this application form. Operators are standing by, don't delay.

* Actual results may vary
Join All Too Flat now!
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