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God Damned Sparkles

So Ben and Kennyb live in a great apartment in the Lower East Side in New York City. And if that wasn't enough prepositions for you, they live above, below, and next to a bunch of squares. And from that you should gather 2 things: First, if we're calling them squares, they must be bad. And second, that adjective doesn't even come close, but seeing as we have our URL printed on our doorbell, we'll try to refrain from using the term dbag too often.

So on New Year's Eve, one of our neighbors had a little party. Maybe I would call it a medium sized party. Either way, the next morning there were quite a bit of sparkles in the hallway and stairwell of the building. You know, like the sparkly confetti kind. I tried to take a picture, but it didn't come out too well:

Doesn't matter. It's immaterial to the story.

What does matter is that 4 days later, the sparkles are still in the hallway!

So we debated for a while about putting up a sign in the lobby requesting "whoever had the party, please clean up the common area." The thing about this sign is that clearly neither of us care about the sparkles - we would purely be hanging up the sign to be funny. Even though it's a huge stretch for anyone (including us) to consider being passive-aggressive purely out of boredom particularly funny.

What we decided would be funny was to hang a rebuttal note in the lobby, addressing the obnoxious note that someone slipped under our door. (which, for those of you who haven't picked up on the subtlety here, never actually happened).

The text of our note is as follows:

To Whom It May Concern -

1. If you have a problem with something in the apartment that you believe
concerns us, please come talk with us about it in person. An anonymous
note slipped under the door is not the way mature adults communicate and
address issues.

2. While I am sorry the "god damned sparkles" are upsetting you, I'm
afraid you are bringing your concerns to the wrong party. Which you would
have learned had you knocked on the door like a civilized individual in
the first place.

3. If in the future you find it necessary to keep slipping notes under
our door, we would appreciate it if you were to refrain from the use of

Apologies for airing this in a public forum, but we're not sure who to
speak with about this.

Ben and Kennyb (Apt 3A)

Since we have no printer we had to remember how to write with a pen on that whatchmacallit white flat stuff. We decided to each write the note out in long-hand and we'd hang the less horrendous one.

Ben's is on the left, and Kennyb's is on the right:

We decided to go with Ben's copy:

We hung the note up on January 4th, 2005 at 11:29pm.

We'll let you know how it goes.

  • Update! 1/5/2005: The president of our building's board slipped a note under our door. He apologized for the situation and asked us to come to the next board meeting which is tomorrow night. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE PUT THE NOTE UNDER THE DOOR!!!
  • Update! 1/6/2005: Turns out it was Ben who wrote the note. Bastard. You're not supposed to prank ATF!
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