I have in my possession several unitards. "Unitards?" you ask. "Aren't they mentally challenged mythical creatures from the pun-heavy Xanth novels by Piers Anthony?" That's a good question, and that was my first instinct too, but no. A unitard is a form-fitting, all-over garment. Wearing one is like slipping my taut, trim body into a giant glove. It's not much different from my multiple pairs of footie pajamas in that regard, just tighter. The tightness is actually rather comforting, especially now that the shaving experiments I alluded to earlier have been carried out to their logical endpoint. (Which reminds me: Is Cool Whip a topical allergen? I haven't chafed like this since sophomore year. But I digress.)

I bring this up because it seems wasteful to own several unitards and rarely if ever wear them outside the bedroom, or occasionally the fire escape. My problem is footwear, specifically choosing which ones go best with these garments, which do not provide their own built-in footwear solution. (This is one area in which unitards are demonstrably inferior to footie pajamas, strangely comforting snugness or no.) My instinct is to go with something that enables my feet to have the freest range of motion and prehensibility, which given the fact that I have webbed toes is a matter of no little importance or difficulty. However, "my instinct" also led me to believe, as I said, that a unitard is a mentally challenged mythical creature from the pun-heavy Xanth novels by Piers Anthony, which is why I ended up the winning bidder for a lot of three dozen unitards on eBay to begin with. I've learned not to trust my instincts, or at least to proceed with extreme caution. So my question is: Crocs, right? Bright orange ones like Iron Chef "Molto" Mario Batali, I'm thinking? Too bold?