Alt Text Flat - 2002
Todays alt text is brought to you by the letters A, T, and F.
Gaze in awe at the ever-changing alt text! Wonder at the minds behind the the pithiness!
Help! I'm being held captive by the alltooflat team and forced to do their html coding!
Wanna know where Manfred Mann's Earth Band is? Check the unemployment line.
Got Sin? www.sinfest.net
Alltooflat: Don't just kill time, annihilate it.
WHERE'S MANFRED MANN'S EARTH BAND?
Alltooflat.com: Antacid for your crippling mental ulcerations.
Interesting fact about today: ton is not wearing any underpants.
The halibut is a registered trademark of God. Any uses of this piece of intellectual property is punishable by eternal hellfire.
What you gonna do when they come? ... I gotta believe!
Todays alt text is being held ransom for 3 loaves of bread, a 17' LCD monitor, and a date with Jennifer Connelly
...and on the 5th day, God created the halibut. And he saw that it was flat.
Web hosting: $30, ATF's weekly beer and Wegmans sub overhead: $75, Having an online venue to give out questionable advice to the public: Priceless
LISTEN TO BLACK SABBATH
Proud enforcers of a 'one strike and you're out' child molestation policy, unlike some religious institutions we could mention
Everyone wants Mister Toad's Wild Ride
WWJDD: What Would Jason Dill Do?
All Too Fabulous! (Cher only)
All Too Doesn'tneedatrainingbrajustyet,thanks
LISTEN TO ROXY MUSIC
You can get Kennyb's face on your boxers in more ways than one, if you know what I mean
Alltooflat: More popular with the French than Jean-Marie Le Pen
Rock and Roll IS noise pollution in some areas of Tennessee
FREE JAMES BROWN
Idi Amin may have been a brutal dictator, but he was a hell of an interior designer
Happy Tuesday you big bald fuck!
I love the smell of halibut in the morning.
Happiness is a warm fish (ewww!)
http://www.kennybuttnaked.com -- it's annoying to have links here because you click the fish to go to it and nothing happens
Got a question? Ask the Fish!
You're good enough. You're smart enough, and dog-gone-it, people like you.
Alltooflat: Could it *be* anymore flat?
Hi! I'm a talking fish!
Can you believe this site was almost called 'intellisloth'?
I think it's important for us to read alltooflat at least once a week. Otherwise, the terrorists have already won.
Do not try to flatten the fish. That's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. That it is not the fish which is flat, it is only that you are grossly disproportionate.
Halibut - the other flat fish.
Alltooflat: the first hit on Google for 'cartoon boobies'
Does this fish make me look flat?
A man, a plan, a canal - Halibut
Bonjour to all our french peeps out there.
Holy Yoda! That dude is so cool...
The largest halibut caught in Alaska was 459 pounds. That's a huge fish!
LISTEN TO ANDREW WK
The Weekly World ATF: Alien Threat Forseen!
People who own Throbbing Gristle albums shouldn't fish
Cocaine: It's like God, only God can't fit up your nose.
LISTEN TO GARY NUMAN
Let's put the 'eros' back in 'rhinoceros'
Today is 'Take a Native American Family to Red Lobster' Day
So this is where a degree from Yale gets you.
Which was cooler: Yoda vs. Saruman or Obi-Wan vs. Zorak on steroids?
ATF: Wrapped up like a douche.
'We Remember W. Axl Rose'
Visit the 'Help Me Name My...' section--it's a hoot!
Kennyblog: Insight to the Blind
Soul Brother Too Boku
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue fish- the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red fish - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
Whenever there is fun there's always halibut! doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo!
I don't know fish, but I know what I like
Be sure to watch the Fish being interviewed by Letterman early next month. Also appearing: Mr. Tony Randall
Alltooflat.com: A perpetual e-flame in memory of all our brothers and sisters lost in the Clone Wars.
Alltooflat.com: A monument to confuserism.
Interesting (true!) fact about today: A good number of the hours spent on alltooflat.com were hours that were actually taken away from cancer research.
LISTEN TO DAVID BOWIE
ATF: Aquaman Talks Fish.
In Bizarro World, Elgoog isn't funny.
If a fish falls in the forest, and no one hears it, does it make a sound?
Live! For One Night Only! At ATF! Ziggy Starfish and the Flounders from Mars!
OxyContin Kills (and makes you vomit a lot, so we've been told)
Does anyone read these? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about bagging-and-boarding your comics. You're not a fanboy collector, but that doesn't mean you can't take care of your personal property, does it? No, it doesn't, Josiah.
Sometimes your coworker will go into the bathroom with a Polaroid camera, come back with a picture, put it face down on your desk and say 'Don't look at that.' Take his word for it.
LISTEN TO T. REX
ATF and A&F: Two Great Tastes That Taste Great Together!
A fish in time saves brine
The Princess Bride is overrated. And you're ugly.
Destroy All Flounders
I hit the skins for the halibut
Anyone else think that high-pitched-voice woman on 'Will & Grace' is sexy as hell?
WATCH 'THE STATE'
Ta, tall fool!
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida, baby, don't you know that I love you?
C'mon, c'mon, let me show you where it's at. The name of the place is I Like It Too Flat.
LISTEN TO PATTI SMITH
Chairman Alltooflat must condemn terrorism, in Arabic
M. Night Shyamalan is a genius
Alltooflat.com: A Weapon of Mass Turbation
We hope you're enjoying the two weeks of the year the NBA isn't in season.
'They don't think it be like it is, but it do.' - Oscar Gamble, New York Yankees
The Benevolent Horde lives
Allizzy Tizzy Flizzy
it won't give up it wants me dead goddamn this fish inside my head
LISTEN TO THIN LIZZY
Rachel, Monica or Phoebe? The answer, surprisingly, is Phoebe. C'mon, just think about it for a minute. Huh? Am I right or am I right?
Never forget how good Soundgarden was on 'Badmotorfinger.'
your cod is dead and no one cares if there is a halibut i will see you there
Alltooflat.com: The second-funniest thing involving a person named Ben Stein.
Alltooflat.com: Definitely the funniest thing involving a person named Kenneth Lance Bromberg, except perhaps the name 'Kenneth Lance Bromberg' itself.
SAMMY DAVIS, JR. DIED FOR YOUR SINS
Visit the Law & Order Haiku Cycle in the 'Poetry' section: Orbachy goodness!
My favorite song title may well be 'Panzer Division Destroyed' by Budgie
Your clones are very impressive.
If there's one thing that stinks about being a grown-up, it's the lack of make-out parties.
AllTooFlat.com: Your online make-out party headquarters
The fashion industry has destroyed your counterculture
Jay-Z is the Poison of hip-hop
Fishes ain't shit but frozen sticks/ Satisfying your Gorton's fix
LISTEN TO DOVES
I bought the documents that gave birth to the pre-United States Confederation, but only for the Articles
AllTooFlat.com: It's about supression.
'Starship Troopers': King of the Good Bad Movies
'Cruel Intentions': Queen of the Good Bad Movies
Normally I wouldn't say anything about a video game, because dude, talking about a video game on a website? But 'Grand Theft Auto III' really is a triumph for the young male with disposable income. We shall not see its like again.
talF ooT llA
You'll want to go easy on the olestra-based potato chips
Don't worry about it--just keep writing alt-text. So what if you're like two months ahead of yourself at this point? By the time these show up you'll have forgotten writing them and you'll enjoy them just as much as the next guy. Honest.
In Europe, one member of the AllTooFlat.com team is known as Metric Ton.
Bored after work? Look for us on #alltooflat in the Undernet!
No, I don't think anyone's ever asked him if they could win his money. Go right ahead! He won't mind!
Techincally, it's Kenneth Lance *Goodthrust* Bromberg
RENT 'FLIRTING WITH DISASTER'
AllTooFlat.com: The Most Downloaded Woman on the Internet
The Helen Newman Lion deserves its freedom. Write email@example.com and tell them to do the right thing.
GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE! WE TRACED MANFRED MANN'S EARTH BAND! THEY'RE UPSTAIRS! DO YOU HEAR ME? MANFRED MANN'S EARTH BAND IS UPSTAIRS!
Boo. Hiss. I hate you because you're different than me.
The Crisco Bandit has come to keep it greasy
AllTooFlat.com: Bastard people.
Alltooflat.com: Freedom fighters against the tyranny of a repressive firewall!
Alltooflat.com: 1.3 billion Asians can't be wrong.
Watch the fourth season of the Sopranos! Season Premiere is September 15th.
a-fish, a-fishy fishy oh
elgooG ohittaa Kiinan palomuurin
blunderbuss. This concludes Old-Fashioned Three Syllable Word Week here at AllTooFlat.com.
When you feel a tinge of regret that your friends will miss reading your alt-texts because they'll be out of town attending your wedding, maybe you're a little too attached to the alt-texts.
Arrrggh! Have a happy Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day!
Fish puts the lotion in the basket
Jodie Foster looked pretty damn freaking good at the Oscars, didn't she?
Entertainment Weekly actually gives things bad reviews. I mean, seriously.
Cunnilingus and psychiatry have brought us to Alltooflat.com.
So what, no fuckin' Alltooflat.com now?
Lewis Brasi sleeps with the alltooflat.coms.
'I wanted to be in there.' 'Giving the alltooflat.com, or taking it?'
It's all a big alltooflat.com.
I've got alltooflat.com so far up my ass, I can taste brylcreem.
'You shot me in the alltooflat.com!' 'It happens.' This concludes ATF-ified Relatively Well-Known Sopranos Quotes Week at Alltooflat.com.
AllTooFlat.com: An Hitachi Magic Wand for your *brain*...and also for your lady parts, if that's how you get down
Watch out if you buy jeans from H&M. Think they'll last long? They won't. You're just going to have to go with me on this one, okay? Why would I lie? No, really--*why would I lie about jeans?* FUCK YOU
LISTEN TO LED ZEPPELIN
We never got those free immortality rings, Alex Chiu. And we will not forget. Oh no--*we will not forget.*
THE CROSSING MAN IS COMING...STAY TUNED...
'Dirty bombing' sounds more like something that's done by some German dominatrix that specializes in humiliation.
Kick out the JAMs!
I truly believe that, independent of any differences in mores and standards, the Japanese are a bizarre people.
I get something of a frisson when I use the word 'frisson.' Also, 'pithy' sort of gives me a chill.
Q: Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer?
A: Ja! ... Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput.
If you click the correct link, this picture will look at you and sing 'Take Me To The River'
ATF: We put the 'oof' into alltooflat
The ladies love my rad chilies
Alltooflat.com: King Mob to your Queen Mab
In the mood for some wet, fishy action? Call 1-900-TOO-FLAT
Why does everyone have to be whacking my hangers?
LL Cool J. 'Big Ole Butt.' Sex in a Red Lobster. Genius.
Do yourself a favor and upgrade to the Mach 3 Turbo RIGHT NOW!
So was Old-Fashioned Three-Syllable Word Week a success, in your opinion? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
ATF: In one ear and out your mother
How many days till The Two Towers at this point? Anyone? Email email@example.com
Expand your mind: Expose yourself to something objectionable today.
So...do you swim here often?
UPDATE THE GODDAMN KENNYBLOG
It's all about the Benjamin Steins
Alltooflat.com: Deck hands on the Crimson Permanent Assurance
In the doghouse? Try getting your girl a genuine Alltooflat lady-t! Chicks dig 'em.
We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by...
Something tells me I shouldn't have eaten that bisque.
For the last time, I'm not 'wearing a wire,' whatever that means, and I have no idea who or what 'Big Pussy' is
ATF: Alt Text Fiesta
For all those who visited the link provided yesterday: You're welcome.
Alt Text Fun: Easier than writing a comic book
She blinded me with science--the sharp, pointy tip portion of science
All Too Flat: Funnier than Jimmy Fallon's bizarrely groomed eyebrows
All Too Flat: Winning the war against International Communism, one disgustingly geeky search engine mirror site at a time
Evidence suggests a strong link to Al-Tuflat
Up with personal freedoms! Down with pants!
Alltooflat.com: Like slipping on an old, comfortable pair of panties. SHOES! Shoes.
ATF: Always Tickles Funnybones
LISTEN TO THE MC5
ATF: America's Top Funnymen
The fashion industry would gladly kill you today if they thought your bloodstained clothes would sell
Get yourself some toilet paper cuz your lyrics is butt
This is the interface for inputing new alt text values into the alt text file.
You can choose to add one to the end, change todays, or change tommorrows. Go nuts.
The ATF Quarterly: The lifestyle publication of Abercrombie & Fish
Does the Al-Tuflat network have access to fishile material?
ATF: Alcohol, Tobacco and Funkaliciosity
Is it Christmas yet? email firstname.lastname@example.org with your answer
READ NEW X-MEN
Maureen Dowd gets *paid* to write that horseshit, you know.
Free the Alabama Three! Wait, what was that? They aren't incarcerated? Oh, then LISTEN TO ALABAMA 3
On second thought, screw the Alabama 3: LISTEN TO MY ALABAMA BLACK SNAKE
Home of the Fighting Uruk-Halibut
What would have happened if he HAD liked the others?
Alltooflat.com: The internets red-headed step-child
LISTEN TO THE DANDY WARHOLS
NO, I INSIST: LISTEN TO THE DANDY WARHOLS
Alltooflat.com: Force of halibut
Where are my big yellow post-its? I can't stand these crappy little purple ones. Alltooflat.com.
Word of advice to aspiring Abercrombie models: When sending in pictures of yourself for consideration, it is not recommended that you be urinating in any of them. You're going to have to trust me on this one.
Grab your dicks if you love hip hop, rub your titties if you love Big Pop
Alltooflat.com: Triumph of the gill
Fish there was something real, fish there was something true
Have YOU Asked The Fish?
What's up with non-Lebowski quotes in the Lebowski 'Help Me Name My'? Is it too hard to come up with 'Shut the fuck up, Donnie?' Jesus Christ, you people aren't trying very hard anymore.
Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night. Black, terrible... a... a...That's it! It's an omen! I SHALL BECOME TOO FLAT!
Alltooflat.com: Not everybody does fish, but everybody should.
My alt-text's too bootylicious for Kennyb
Alltooflat.com: Null set to the universal True Mathematics
Alltooflat.com's dandy voice makes the most anti-choice granny's panties moist
Alltooflat.com doesn't *feel* tardy
Any Life Lived Tentatively Or Obnoxiously Falls Like Ancient Timber
Alltooflat.com: Your source for shiftless shanty-Irish intinerant workers
Alltooflat.com, to the break o' dawn, all over the restaurant, word is bond
Alltooflat.com: Like the Drudge Report, only with fewer mentions of 'AOLTIMEWARNERCNNTURNER'
Alltooflat.com: Waiting patiently for the next salvo in the Eminem/Triumph battle
C&C made him poo, now he's drinkin' Mountain Dew
Alltooflat.com: Like Page Six, but with fewer Hilton Sisters
That Hansel's so hot right now!
Alltooflat.com: Like Abercrombie & Fitch, but with almost no man-ass
I know this because Alltooflat.com knows this.
Alltooflat.com isn't the right word, but it's the first one that comes to mind.
Technically, *you're* fucking Alltooflat.com. But it's all the same to us.
Is anyone upset by the foul language occasionally employed by Alt Text Fun? Please alert email@example.com
Fish Better Have My Money
I really hate Wolf Blitzer, for some reason
Coming soon to Disney World's new SteinbeckLand: Mr. Joad's Wild Ride
Visualize World Pee
Visualize World Poop
Daily Snooze. This concludes Words and phrases used by the New York Post Week here at Alltooflat.com. (Letterman did a top ten list like this one time.)
Awright, here's one more: slayfest
Our favorite character on 'Barney Miller'? Fish.
Dinky Hocker Shoots Smack!
Are you there, God? It's me, Alltooflat.com
Alltooflat.com: Even our 404 not found page is funny! Well, amusing, at least.
Alltooflat.com: Three sheets & a mattress pad to the wind
Alltooflat.com: Alt-textual healing
I got yer Manfred Mann's Earth Band *right here*
What if C-A-T really spelled 'fish'?
In case you were wondering, Pepsi Blue tastes a little...weird.
THE CROSSING MAN IS COMING...STAY TUNED...
. _ . _ . . . _ . . _ _ _ _ _ _ _ . . _ . . _ . . . _ _ _ . . _ _ _ _ _ . _ . _ _ _ _ _
Alltooflat.com is a blow-up doll that expands at the touch of a button, runs on methane and is laced with vodka
If you don't like alltooflat.com, it's because we're to intellectual for you.
Alltooflat.com: The modern day answer to a swift blow to the head
Alltooflat: It's sacrelicious!
You booze you snooze.
FISHIE SAY RELAX
Hulk angry! When Hulk angry, Hulk FISH!!!
With great flatness comes great responsibility.
We're the best there is at what fish do, but what fish do isn't very nice. SNIKT!
What time is it? Your ever-lovin' fish-eyed Thing knows! IT'S BLUBBERIN' TIME!
Lo, there shall come...A FISHING!
Enter: THE HALIBUT
And I will show them...that a man without hope is a man without fish...This concludes Marvel Comics-Derived Alt Text Week here at AllTooFlat.com.
It's just a jump to the left...
Updates! Damn it, why won't you guys do some updates?!
AllTooFlat.com: THE UNITED COLORS OF BENKENTON
Smells like alt text
WE REMEMBER ANDREW RIDGELEY
little in the middle but she all too flat
LISTEN TO FISCHERSPOONER
ATF: The best thing to happen to the internet since binary
AllTooFlat.com: It's like a low-impact Cockeyed
WAR IS PEACE FREEDOM IS SLAVERY IGNORANCE IS FISH
Suckin' on my fishies like you wantin' me callin' me all the time like Blondie check out my Chrissie Behind it's flat all of the time like sex for the helluvit who else is in the habit of halibut? huh? what?
Anyone who recognized yesterday's paraphrased quote email firstname.lastname@example.org for a special prize
Is it worth it, let me work it, I put my fish down flip it and reverse it