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All Too Flat Contest Contest Results!
Well, the votes are in, the judges have judged, and it's official!

Winner!

"How about an All Too Flat song / poetry writing competition. People can write things about your site and the winner can get a free all too flat short.
-Bill in West Virginia"

Congratulations to Bill! He gets $5 off at Mall Too Flat and we're going to host his Contest!

See the original Contest Contest Rules

Runners Up
For your reading pleasure, we've decided to include all the entries we've received for the Contest Contest.
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How many dimes are in my dime frog?
Prizes ideas: trip to Galapagos, chocolate bar, pancakes in the mail, etc. that sort of thing.
ctrl-x
Ken
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The "Fly Off The Randall" Contest!
Contestants must spread the joy that is Mister Tony Randall (The Odd Couple). How, and what, they choose to Randallize is entirely up to them, but one obvious suggestion is placing a picture of Mister Tony Randall in an unusual or conspicuous place. Contestants then document their Randallizing (most likely with a photograph) and send it to mistertonyrandall@alltooflat.com. The winning entry will be posted on alltooflat.com, and the winner him or her self will receive a copy of "will success spoil rock hunter?"
sean
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Dig this, entrants mail in amateur porn on VHS, and the best movie wins. Entries are graded on 1) video quality, 2) Acting, 3)editing, 4)creativity, 5) boner-worthiness, with bonus points for original porno-genre music.
I believe you will need additional, objective judges for this contest. I volunteer.
As prizes, you could give sex toys, memberships to porn websites, or try to hook up with a real porno producer and get someone their "Big Break" as the grand prize!
Admit it, you love this!
BTW: I notice my dirty jokes haven't been showing up in the Joke Repository. Do you shy away from these?
Bill in Richmond, VA
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entrants play a prank on someone or some organization. Make rules that discourage outright vandalism or other patently illegal activities (because ATF could be held legally liable, which would be NFG). Evidence of the pranks must be emailed to ATF, following the examples in your own Pranks section of the site, and the funniest one wins.
The Prizes could be pranks also, like 3 cans of easy cheese, or other worthless items, along with the prestige of having your photo on the website. These are inexpensive also. The booby prize for last place could be one of those books of pranks that are so popular today.
Bill in Richmond, VA
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entrants design their own new, "Strange Vegetable Thingy" and send you photos. The funniest one wins, and the prize is a permanent place in the "Help Name My" and "Strange Vegetable thingy" pages.
a few months later, have a news update with "Son of the Strange Vegetable Thingies" and make a third model of a combined SVT offspring's, having characteristics of both.... just like the "if they made it" on Conan O'Brian.
Bill in Richmond, VA
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You've seen www.boobscan.com, right? (go now if you haven't)
So the idea is that you have a contest to see which (legal age) girl has the flattest chest. See how that fits in with the name of your site? eh?
Submissions would be digital photos by email... prizes could be -- 1st place, a set of those silicone bra inserts (made famous in I'm Gonna Git You Sucka) and 2nd place is like, a miracle bra, 3rd could be a sports bra and a pair of grapefruits.
You get the basic idea.
Bill in Virginia
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How's about a public nudity contest? Entrants must have photographic evidence of the boldest public nudity they can muster. Those apprehended by the law are automatically disqualified. Prizes could be gift certificates to Frederick's of Hollywood or to Sextoys.com. Huge.
Bill in Virginia
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What about a contestcontest contest? Whoever submits the most contest contest ideas is the winner. :-) The prize should be shiny and expensive, and should not, under any circumstances, smell like cheese.
Bill in Virginia
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Entrants write essays about why christians are wrong and must be stopped (isn't that obvious yet?).
The winner is the one who is the most coherent and least loony-sounding, perhaps with a realistic plan that could actually be set in motion. These plans, if any, must not involved slaughtering the X-tians.
Prizes could be free copies of Atheist texts such as "The Christ Conspiracy: the Greatest Story ever Sold" et al. (I haven't read that one yet, so I don't know if it's any good).
Bill in Virginia
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Dig this... You love topiary, don't you? You know, those bushes that are trimmed into animal shapes? Contestants go around their neighborhood sabotaging their neighbors bushes into various topiary shapes, and take photos, of course. The Topiaries are graded on 1) artistry, 2) style, 3) size, 4) overall non-suckyness, 5) property damage value (more expensive bushes earn more points than cheap bushes).
and the prize is the movie "Fast, cheap and out of control" a documentary about 4 weird people, one of whom is a topiary sculptor. Second place could be a beard trimmer or set of folding scissors. 3rd place is a cheap bonsai, or if that's too expensive, a small bag of genuine dirt from the Cornell Campus.
Bill in Virginia
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How about something normal for once? Contestants write a theme song for All Too Flat.com. Submissions must be of a length that y'all agree on and the winning entry will be programmed into the site so it plays while you view the site. Instant fame. maybe you could add a link to the winner's personal website also.
Bill in Virginia
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Ok, an asinine costume contest! all the better because it's nowhere near Halloween! Contestants send in pix of themselves (must be themselves so they don't take credit for other people's costumes) in the most asinine costume possible... from teenage mutant ninja undead hooker to Frank N. Furter to some whacked-out crazy shit that has a rubber boot on his head and a waffle iron for each shoe with exposed tits... the sky's the limit.
the prizes could be having the top three entries posted on the website and gift certificates to Spencer's. Something like that.
Bill in Virginia
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You'd probably need the permission and cooperation of www.ManBeef.com (who have an excellent FLASH into) for this one...
ManBeef (if they're not a hoax*) sells real human meat for consumption. they claim it's quite tasty (not like chicken for the record).
So the contest is to have a cannibalism party complete with tons of photographic evidence and an invoice from ManBeef.com to prove it's not Wegman's animal meat they're eating. (I've heard of eating pussy, but this is ridiculous).
Prizes could include Aztec weapons and free psychological help.
*Big "IF", but the site is really convincing.
Bill in Virginia
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I think that you should not only post and run the winning contest, but several runner ups in categories such as "Weirdest Contest" and "Most Fun if it wouldn't lead to legal Prosecution" et al.
just a friendly suggestion.
Bill in Virginia
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1. Win Ben Stein's money. Perhaps you shouldn't put up too much.
2. A variation of the scavenger hunt. Who knows, you might become the next left handed protractor moguls.
3. How about a trivia contest in which the top prize is a good ass-kicking.
Louis
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the contest is who can send you the most annoying html page. such as an AllTooAnnoying page which contains multiple pop-up, pop-under, midi, blinking, onMouseOver, and other horrible html codes. for my prize, i want a month-long bejeweled tournament on Palm with the ATF founder of my choice.
jacob
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