HOLLYWOOD, CA - Masterfully manipulating the remote controls for his giant-screen plasma television, satellite hookup and home-theater stereo surround sound system, uber-producer Jerry Bruckheimer has melded the Iraqi war coverage of the cable news networks with over 40 years of pop hits to create an awesome, up-to-the-minute montage sequence, sources said Wednesday.

"He first got the idea right when the war started," said Jennifer Rohrberg, 23, Bruckheimer's personal assistant. "He kept saying, 'This is just like that "Bombs over Baghdad" song that Kid Rock sings! Christ, this is money in the bank!' I tried to tell him that OutKast does that song, but he insisted that I shut up and keep blowing him."

The OutKast song was just the first used by Bruckheimer in his one-man montage sequences. Footage of British troops restoring infrastructure and distributing humanitarian aid was accompanied by Bachman-Turner Overdrive's "Takin' Care of Business," accounts of possible escape attempts by high-ranking Baathist officials were scored by Martha & the Vandella's "Nowhere to Run," reports that Allied forces are inside the 'red zone' and closing in on Baghdad were accompanied by Edwin Starr's "25 Miles," and the rescue of Pfc. Jessica Lynch featured Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing."

"I know I used that one already, but who gives a fuck?" Bruckheimer is reported to have said. "The assholes out there don't even remember what happened to them five minutes ago. Now if only I can get some footage of Rumsfeld saying 'I'm getting too old for this shit,' then calmly walking away from an explosion in slow motion."