NEW YORK - In a fervent effort to protest policies they say are harmful to both America and New York, anti-war activists plan to shut down New York, the most prominent city in America.

The Speech and Protest Action Movement announced today that it will lobby for an end to "the racist oil war against Iraq" and a conversion to peaceful means of achieving political goals by obstructing traffic, smashing store windows, defacing private and public property and shouting slogans at an extremely loud volume.

"We voted Green in the last elections, we've called, emailed, and written letters to our elected represenatives, but nothing has gotten the results we want," said Rachel McTigue, 25, cooridnator of the SPAM Action Committee and a part-time actress. "Obviously, therefore, democracy has failed--I mean, we represent almost a full third of the voters! So we plan to make democracy work once again by using a tiny, radicalized minority to physically obstruct the free exchange of goods, services and ideas in the largest, most important, most thoroughly cash-strapped and traumatized city in the country. What can be more American than that?"

SPAM has previously staged successful protests in favor of such peaceful, nonviolent leaders as Mullah Mohammed Omar, Slobodan Milosevic, Fidel Castro, Mao Zedong and Josef Stalin.