PARIS - With black coffee simmering in his cup, a Gitane cigarette smoldering between his lips and the plaintive voice of Edith Piaf emanating from the hi-fi in the background, French President Jacques Chriac spent the day wistfully reminiscing over his tumultuous romance with soon-to-be-deposed Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.

"Life, love, clandestine weapons deals--too brief, my time with Saddam, too brief," said Chirac as he thumbed through the dog-eared copy of No Exit given to him by the Iraqi dictator. "I will miss him bitterly. But no, I regret nothing. Ours was a love that defied time, the world, and all standards of international law and basic human morality."

Wiping a single tear from his eye, the French leader concluded by saying of "We'll always have Osirak." He then picked up the phone and asked Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe if he was free for dinner.