GENEVA, SWITZERLAND - Despite its role in the bombing of Pan Am flight 103 and its gruesome record of censorship, torture and political suppression, the African nation of Libya has been selected to head the United Nations' highest human rights body in a totally true, not-kidding vote on Monday.

The decision, which insiders say was not made with the needs of news-parody websites in mind despite all appearances to the contrary, took place despite both the protests of the United States and the fact that Libya is still subject to UN sanctions for its atrocious human rights violations. You really, really could not make this shit up, sources said.

Libyan dictator Muamar Gaddafi praised the Commission's choice, saying that Libya's candidate, Najat al-Hajjaji, "will be a voice of clear moral conscience for this august institution. Despite the doubts of naysayers, Libya will be unafraid to speak out against the world's most egregious human-rights abusers, such as Israel, the United States, and Israel."

Reporters' questions as to why the fuck anyone on Earth should take the UN seriously anymore went unanswered.