ALBANY, NY - Calling the current UN weapons inspection regime in Iraq "a fraud designed to further the United States' economic interests in the region," former UN weapons inspector Scott Ritter instead called for the international community to redirect its attention and resources to the pants of a teenage girl Ritter has contacted through the Internet.

"Innocent lives will be lost due to the warmongering and lies of the Bush Administration and their puppet, Hans Blix," said Ritter, a longtime opponent of Bush's policy toward Baghdad and proponent of naming Jamie-Lynn Spears to the International Atomic Energy Agency. "The inspections in Iraq will find no weapons, because there are no weapons to find. However, the question of wether or not we will find underwear beneath the tight, crotch-hugging, low-riding jeans of cuteypiegurl14 is a pressing one, and must be addressed before my wife gets home."

Ritter proceeded to warn the international community that while regime change in Iraq would be a disaster, panty change on a webcam should be the UN's primary goal.