JALALABAD, PAKISTAN - Fugitive terrorist mastermind Osama Bin Laden has come forth from his subterranean lair deep within the mountainous Pakistan/Afghanistan border region, with a tiny nation called the Shire high on his list of possible targets, intelligence sources believe.

Sources close to the battered but still formidable terrorist network Al Qaeda claim that Bin Laden was driven from his secret cave not by the allied bombing campaign, but by a burning hatred for the West, the Saudi royal family, and "Baggins," a suspected burglar and member of the Shireonese Liberation Army. Baggins is presumed to have stolen a weapons-grade piece of jewelry from the hunted terrorist leader.

"Whatever the ring was, for Bin Laden to have emerged from hiding to find it means its value can only be described as precious," terrorism expert Gary Randalf explained.