NEW YORK, NY - "Stunned disbelief" was how a user of the 7th floor men's lavatory at 435 Hudson Street characterized his reaction to the impassioned movements and vocal outbursts of accountant Larry Bertran, 39, as he availed himself of the second urinal from the left.

"I'd drank a couple cans of Dr. Pepper, so I was just settling into a pretty long one," said Kevin Ho, 42, who witnessed the disturbance. "Then this guy walks into the bathroom and pulls up to the urinal next to me, which was already weird 'cause he could have used two others without being next to anyone. I just looked straight ahead and tried to ignore him--you know, running through multiplication tables in my head, that sort of thing--but that's when he started whinnying like a pony."

"Look, I know sometimes it feels good to take a leak, but this was unbelievable," said continued Ho, an information technology manager. "All of a sudden I hear this deep, guttural moan, followed by this kind of sound you make when you step into a hot shower. I take a glimpse out the corner of my eye and this dude is bouncing, literally bouncing up and down as he pees. Then he says "Ohhhhhh," like he's freaking Barry White, and starts breathing in and out real hard for a solid minute and a half. It was," added Ho, "like Darth Vader getting a blow job."

An obviously traumatized Ho refused to discuss Bertran's post-urination genital jiggle.