I love it when I hear people say the word 'huge.' It's so huge. I was hanging around the apartment with Sam and his girlfriend Adrianna the other day, and he told me how she busted out 'huge' during a conversation they were having. I was a little confused, because it's such an integral part of my speech pattern (I couldn't count the number of times I say it during the day if I had a helper monkey with six fingers on each hand), but then I realized that isn't normal behavior for most people. How did I provide positive reinforcement? I told her "Huge!" Language is a virus.

Watched Joe Millionaire last night. Actually, last night was a serious low point in my life. I've been wanting to get my life a little more under control, and my plan last night was to work on ATF, work out, and cook dinner. My strategy was flawless. My tactics left something to be desired (the missing element, I decided, was any resemblance between what was planned and what was executed). I ended up reading a Harry Potter satire, watching E! True Hollywood Story Savannah, and eating a frozen pizza. Which is just about as far away from the original plan as I could have gotten.

Having 250 channels comes up in no way whatsoever. First of all, people always make jokes about "I can't believe that with all these channels, there's still nothing on television!" Shut the frack up. Did you think the act of getting more channels was going to magically make tv not suck? Bitching about your cable is like having a pomeranian and not liking to clean up after it, then getting a mastiff and complaining about the smell. Second of all, I get so pissed off that every show on television all has commercials on at the same time. The point of having a remote control is so I don't have to watch commercials. But every channel is on the same schedule (5 minutes of show-driven drivel, 10 minutes of commercial drivel), and so I just end up deciding if I want to watch the ESPN commercials or the Oxygen network commercials. Except BBC-America, which comes up so enormously huge since I can't tell the commercials from the programming (I don't recognize anyone, and the commercials in England are far more quiet than those in the US).

My point is that I've watched at least one commercial in the past week, and it was the commercial for the new Volkswagen Beetle. I suppose it's not so new anymore, but it will always feel like it. I realized that, as far as I can tell, there is absolutely no difference between the new Beetle and the iMac. We can break it down:

Both have form that has little to do with function. Take a look at the images for the both of them. Notice any similarities? Do you think that the iFruit iMac needed to be that shape, or is there a lot of unused space on the inside? And is a semi-circle generally considered an aeronautically wise design for a car? No.

Both of them cost more to run than other examples of a similar class. Software for Macs is more expensive than that for PCs, and the Beetle needs high-octane gasoline. (Everything is true there except the gas thing).

The commercials for either of the things are exactly the same. "Hey! Look at how cute the world is when you drive/use one of these cars/devices!" with soundtracks by Stereolab.

Lets face it. Both are marketed to girls. I'm not saying they aren't worthy of a guy's attention (I'm not saying they are - that's a debate for a different time and place), but let's be realistic. Anything that comes in colors other than neutral or black is looking to widen their market share to include the ladies.

No matter. No apartment news, although the long-promised housewarming party is on its way. You're all invited of course. But it's BYOB.

Also, I just realized how 2 years ago this entry is.