PARIS, France - In a bewildering turn of events at a press conference in Paris this morning, French president Jacques Chirac revealed himself to actually be former Iraqi head of state Saddam Hussein.

Even in a week of shocking and disturbing revelations about the behavior of the French government in the run-up to Operation Iraqi Freedom, today's unmasking came as a surprise to nearly every attendee. "Chirac... I mean, Saddam just walked up to the podium and ripped off his face like he was Martin Landau in Mission Impossible. It was really... how do you say? Weird," said Jacques Flambeau (Agence Presse France).

After a few minutes of cackling maniacally, Hussein took questions from the press, whereby it emerged that the switch was "kind of a Prince and the Pauper thing for Chirac. He wanted to see what it was like running a fascist regime, and I wanted a go at screwing the US from a different angle. Pity he's a spray of pink mist now."

The French President went on to present a set of reforms for the Gaullic nation, including an effort to set up a military organization in opposition to the US-dominated NATO. Said Chirac Hussein, "I like to think of it less of an 'Old Europe' thing and more of a 'New Axis' thing," adding "I think having the Germans involved is a step in the right direction."


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This atfact was provided by the Alltooflat staff, under the direction of the Bandit.