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    Sniper Rifle Use Plummets among Grand Theft Auto III Players
    10-25-2002 (Archived)
    MONTGOMERY COUNTY, MD - In what experts call the reversal of a startling trend, usage of the sniper rifle by players of the popular video game Grand Theft Auto III has dropped precipitously in the last 24 hours.

    "In the wake of the recent random shootings in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., few GTA players could resist the accuracy, lethality, and total awesomeness of the sniper rifle," said James Altieri, head researcher at the Video Game Safety Institute. "I mean, you hold down that square button long enough, and that scope brings you up so close you could practically give them an ear exam. But with Thursday morning's arrest of the two men responsible for the spree, use of this deadly, dope weapon has dropped over 300%."

    In related news, thefts of white vans on the streets of Liberty City have also levelled off, as have the mortality rates of prostitutes, construction workers, and members of the Colombian cartel.
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