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Al-Guilera Deploys Weapon of Mass Turbation

10-24-2002 (Archived)

From her heavily fortified bunker deep within the inhospitable H'allahwood Hills, fugitive Musical extremist Christin'aa Al-Guilera has authorized the use of a biological weapon known as a "dirrty bomb."

The device utilizes a series of televisual images to induce the uncontrollable release of spermatazoa by any XY chromosome carriers within the viewing radius. For reasons unknown, the efficacy of the device is greatly increased within close proximity to the chemicals found in petroleum jelly.

This is Al-Guilera's first use of a weapon of mass turbation since her participation in the Marm Al-Ade attacks of 2001.

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