I'm consistently feeling as if I'm behind the curve by a couple of days on a whole bunch of stuff. First it was The Fish Parade, taking place a number of weeks after the infinitely hipper and with-it Mermaid Parade (and yes, the fact that one is hipper than the other definitely has something, if not everything, to do with the fact that one is in the South Bronx and the other is in Coney Island. Coney Island side show freaks get there by training. South Bronx sideshow freaks get there by eating lead paint). And this week it was Tournament Dodgeball, coming weeks after the release of the Vince Vaughn movie concerning the same sport. Now, I haven't seen the movie yet, partly because I think it's going to be the worst thing ever, and partly because I haven't had enough time on the weekend to go to a Dodgeball/Anchorman double feature (and come on - in a perfect world, wouldn't this be the best 5 hours of anyone's life? Vince Vaughn squaring off against Will Farrell in a battle to prove who can make the people in the audience giggle the most? I mean, I know you hated yourself for it, but you loved Old School. It's OK, it's not your fault. Succumb to the inevitability). But I have learned to love the sport. Mind you, I'm really bad at it. But there's not all that many things involving moving balls about which that is not a true statement (feel that breeze? That's the combined force of every one of my ex-girlfriends nodding, vigerously).

The only problem was that everyone I ever hated in high school was there. Not the actual guys I hated, of course (to my near-endless delight, as far as I can tell they are all physically incapable of participating in athletics anymore. Did I mention that I went to a Mets game towards the beginning of the summer and ran into a small group of kids in high school who were among those kids who would delight in taunting my friends for being different [different, as far as I could tell, was based on thinking that Dave Matthews was maybe not that interesting a musical artist, and all the baggage that comes with that belief]? They were all fat, and one of them was unemployed. Such spectacular vindication of my belief system and life style. I'm so psyched for my 10 year reunion, or will be as long as I can continue making it to the gym regularly), but if not the actual individuals, than their archetypes. Serious meatheads, the lot of them. You know, the kind of people that would cry "That's BULLSHT!" when a call went against them, and would lie about being beaned with a dodgeball. On the other hand, the tournament prize (the tourney ran throughout the summer) was an hour open bar for the team and as many people as they wanted at a local bar, so the stakes were pretty high.

In other high-school related news, I went to a wedding last night out on Long Island for an old friend of mine. Wonderful, wonderful girl, whom was once my marriage backup - you know, the person whom you made a pact with that if you weren't married by a certain age, would be contract-bound to marry you. Such a bummer that she went and got married, because the way my love life has been going recently, I was definitely going to be giving her a call in a few months. On the other hand, the Maid of Honor is my new backup, since she recently lost her own backup in another tragic wedding accident a few weeks ago.

The ceremony itself was great. Straight up Catholic service, complete with partaking of the Host at the end (I declined, having assumed that they have not yet made a low-cal Christ, or anything remotely Atkins friendly). I felt bad, because all I wanted to do was sit in the back with a laptop and blog the wedding. There was so much great stuff going on (between the cameraman dropping his tripod and crying out to the crowd "OOhh! I got a cramp!" at a particularly inappropriate time, to the fact that I was certain the Celebrant was going to ask for a call and response "When I say Love, you say Christ! LOVE!" There was also something during the wedding that made me decide that at my own wedding, I'm going to demand that the entire accompaniment be various selections from Twin Peaks. But I definitely can't remember what it was.

The reception was a little worrisome for a while. I didn't go with a date (the only person in my life right now I would want to take to a wedding had plans she couldn't break, and my invite didn't say "Kennyb and guest" so I wasn't sure what was the right thing to do anyway), and the person I was counting on spending time with at the wedding had to leave early (like all weddings, each segment of the bride's life had at least two representatives. I assume I'm expected to report back to everyone else in that peer group today, but I really don't see that happening. I'll just assume this blog entry is handling that responsibilty). Also, I was driving, so it was the first wedding at which I was sober since. . . ever, I guess. So the cocktail hour was uncomfortable for a while. Luckily I was able to hide behind the enormous quantities of food that were available. You see, both families are Italian, and so take their wedding food seriously. The cocktail hour had a hot food bar with about 10 or 12 different dishes, and a cold food buffet that stretched about 25 feet. It was amazing. And that was before dinner. I love Italians so much, it's absurd.

I'm not sure, but I think at one point during the toast (which lasted about 15 minutes) the best man accused the groom of being a pederast, which was interesting.

And then there was dancing. No chicken dance, which comes up really stinking huge. Also, no Macerena, hand jive, or any of the other songs that make me want to shove a shrimp fork into my ears and twist. I fell in love with a 20 year old from Seattle, and to prove it I stepped on her cell phone (I can only assume that I realized subconsciously that there were no rocks to throw at her, and had to find a different way to express my emotion).

That's that. I'm going on vacation for a week, so probably no blog entry until Saturday or Sunday (although if i find a net connection up there, I'll have my laptop and I'll make it a priority). Heading upstate (Friends Lake, NY) to spend some time with the entire family (Bill and Meg [brother and sister-in-law] are flying in from Georgia, Hurricane Charley permitting), which is huge. Give my love to the kids -

kennyb