I'm coming to wish that I had listened to the State of the Union address on the radio. There would have been distinct advantages to this plan. The first is that I wouldn't have to have dealt with hearing Peter Jennings say things like: "Here comes the President, greeting members of both sides of the aisles... And he's wearing a blue tie." For some reason I feel like the radio announcers wouldn't have included this completely extraneous piece of information; and if they did, it would have been because you're listening to the radio and need that information to generate a visual. For some reason, I feel like the anchors on the radio are inherently more respectable than those on television - more connected to their roots of responsible journalism. Which is funny because this is the medium which brought us Howard Stern, and Ron and Fez.

Another advantage would have been the complete lack of any image of Ted Kennedy, who has presided over my nightmares since Tuesday. Of course, there would have been disadvantages as well - playing the 'Changing channels to find which channels is lagging the most' game is a lot harder on a device where you have to turn a dial to tune in. And there's the fact that I don't have a radio. In light of all this, I think the television idea was the best route to go, but I still regret it somewhat.

In any case, without further adeiu, I give you: My play-by-play to the 2003 State of the Union address drinking game, as described in an earlier blog entry. It may or may not be funny.

9:07 - Beginning of speech
9:08 - Standing Ovation
9:09 - I think I spot Phil Jackson in the crowd. Doesn't he have a game tonight?
9:11 - Pres. Bush looks really pleased with himself
9:11 - Standing Ovation (right side of the house only. I think it's cool that they even sit along party lines)
9:12 - For some reason, the crawl at the bottom of the NBC screen says "2006 made permanent." I can only conclude that the president has wider powers than I originally thought
9:14 - Standing Ovation
9:15 - Standing Ovation
9:16 - Shot of Hillary Clinton chatting with Lieberman. You know, I caught hell when I was in high school and got caught talking in class. And that was when the speaker was an alcoholic Chemistry teacher. No respect these days
9:18 - Standing Ovation
9:19 - That was funny. After saying "Seniors happy with Medicare should be able to keep it the way it is," we get a shot of two people they must have brought in just for this line. I think they are the original models for Wood's American Gothic.
9:21 - After Bush makes some concession in regards to forest, pan to Christie Whitman reminding her aide that he's supposed to support that, what with working for the head of the EPA and all.
9:22 - Standing Ovation (for spending on hydogen powered vehicles! huge!)
9:24 - Standing Ovation (decrease dependancy on foreign oil)
9:29 - Standing Ovation (stop partial birth abortion. I think someone used a freeze ray on the left side of the house)
9:29 - Standing Ovation (ban cloning. Because nothing is going to usher America into the 21st century than banning technologies that no one understands. Fight the future)
9:30 - Standing Ovation (Educating Afghani boys and girls)
9:31 - That was also funny. After Bush saying "Only fifty thousand Africans seek treatment [for AIDS]" someone started clapping, then stopped abruptly. I feel for him - I've been that guy before. "What, not yet? Crap."
9:32 - Standing Ovation
9:33 - Emergency plan for AIDS relief in Africa? I didn't catch the numbers (but you guys didn't come here for reasoned political analysis)
9:33 - Standing ovation (see 9:33). This requires that I open another beer. The bottle of tequila has remained (regrettably) untouched.
9:34 - Standing Ovation
9:35 - Standing Ovation (the war goes on and we are winning. He also uses the phrase "...[a number of terrorists] have been arrested or otherwise dealt with" That's awesome. Hell, I stood up and clapped. So I took another drink
9:36 - Standing Ovation (Checking email) (That is to say, I was checking my email at the time, so I don't know what the ovation was for. It would have been really funny if either (1) the ovation was for checking email in general, or (2) the president stopped the speech for a second to check his mail on his palm. Although I imagine that everyone who writes him was there already. Like when I'm at the bar with Ben.
9:37 - Standing Ovation (The meaning of American justice)
9:38 - Standing Ovation (ballistic missile shield)
9:40 - Standing Ovation ("Free people will set the course of history." You know, for someone who is often said to be a horrible orator, he's not such a bad orator. And he's had some of the best sound bytes since JF Kennedy. I suppose it's somewhat offset by the fact that, like him or not, it's tough to argue that he hasn't also had the worst sound bytes since D Quayle.
9:42 - Is "Hitlerism" a word [ed - Yes it is]
9:43 - Standing Ovation (Reluctant. They've been at it for a while) [ed - Do you have any idea what that means?] No.
9:45 - Standing Ovation ("Course of this nation does not depend on the decisions of others" I'll drink to that. In fact, I did.
9:45 - Standing Ovation
9:46 - Standing Ovation (Hmmm... Good news and bad here. The good news is that Bush came out in support of the Iranian people [presumably the students protesting against the repressive government in that region]. The bad news is that I found the bottom of another bottle, and have to open a third. Hope this speech doesn't go much longer)
9:47 - Standing Ovation ("America and the world will not be blackmailed." I assume he meant "America and the world with the sole exceptions of France and Germany...")
9:48 - Statement that Iraq is a bigger potential threat than North Korea. Nothing that requires drinking, except in that whole "I've been thinking about the geopolitical situation" way.
9:48 - Standing Ovation ("We'll not be threatend by Iraq")
9:56 - Standing Ovation. Woof. We've been a whole 8 minutes withot a standing ovation. This one was much needed
9:57 - Standing Ovation ("Trusting in the sanity and restraint of Saddam Hussein is not an option")
9:59 - "If this is not evil, then evil has no meaning"
9:59 - Standing Ovation ("The enemy is not surrounding your country, he is ruling your country.")
10:00 - Standing Ovation (missed it, getting another beer. Just in case)
10:01 - Standing Ovation (This one was for the fighting men)
10:01:30 - still going!
10:02 - IT GOES A FULL MINUTE. Crap. That means I have to take a shot, doesn't it. Woof, work tommorrow is going to be tough. And I wish he would speak a little slower.
10:02 - I think Senator Kennedy has fallen asleep.
10:03 - Standing Ovation
10:04 - Standing Ovation ("Medicine, food, supplies... and freedom")
10:05 - Standing Ovation ("Liberty is God's gift to humanity" In contrast to me, who is God scourge on boxes of Coco Puffs)
10:06 - Standing Ovation (God bless America) 10:07 - It's over, but the earlier ovation went for a full minute. Well, might as well finish this out right, I'm going to bed soon anyway.