Not for nothing, but MC Paul Barman really knows where it's at. Not only because he's the funniest rapper to hit the mic since Will Smith (in his old days with DJ Jazzy Jeff. The new "Just the Two of Us" stuff is crap), but he's really got an eye for the ladies. I don't know that he gets any of them (the pictures I've seen of him make him look almost as goofy as I do), but he can sure pick 'em. First of all, how do you not agree with the choice of Princess Superstar as his second on "MTV Get Off the Air Part 2"? You ever see that girl? Damn! But more importantly (and more to the point), he knows what's down with Fairuza Balk. "Socks up to her calves like that chick from the Craft..." We all know he ain't talking about Neve Campbell. And that's my point, because really, today's entry is all about the benjamins the Sopranos.

Alright, we're all New Yorkers here (except the thousands of ATF visitors from other continents. And Jessica from Michigan [or maybe it's Jennifer, I can't recall just now]. Wait, I guess we aren't all New Yorkers here, but that's not the point). The point is, we all watched the season premiere of the Sopranos on Sunday (I will accept "I had to wait until the Monday night encore because my mother/wife/first born masculine child was struck with croup/whooping cough/blindness/dry heaves"). And we were all really happy about it. Not saying it was the best episode ever, but I had been waiting long enough (really, if they hadn't shown at least an hour of one of the lesser-seen cousins playing accordian, I was going to do some damage). There was one glaring problem that really kicked me in the gut as I was watching the episode, and that was the conspicuous absence of Fairuza Balk as the female federal agent planted as Adrianna's new best friend. It's one of the things that I've been most psyched about since the end of the third season, and there she wasn't, cruelly spirted away; replaced by some shameless hussy (sorry about that if you know/are her. I'm just a little upset right now). Such a disaster.

Now, I will admit that there is a distinct possibility that Fairuza wasn't the right choice for the role. From what I've seen of her (i.e. The Craft) she wasn't the best actress. But I have a serious thing for girls in high socks and plaid skirts, and accordingly, Fairuza Balk. The thing is, from my calculations, there is an 87% chance that any given female in the Sopranos is going to be seen at least partially nude. And I was pretty stoked for that. Ah well, what can you do. Probably would have been too distracting anyway.

And I'm sorry to go on about the Sopranos like this, but there's one other thing. I've decided that ATF has a spirit brother in the band that does the theme music for the show. You may be aware of A3 (also known as Alabama 3) as the artists who brought you "Woke Up This Morning," that kicking tune that plays during Tony's drive in the intro. Well, they're a lot like us. Let me explain: What you have there is a group of individuals best known for a small portion of a greater whole ("Woke Up This Morning" is to Exile On Coldharbor Lane as Elgoog is to ATF). Both groups are really funny, and the piece for which they are best known is relatively misunderstood by the audience it is reaching. Well, that may not be the case for A3, but I thought I'd mention my feelings about it. But most importantly, I really feel like if people gave A3 (us) a chance past viewing that one splinter of their (our) work, the people would really love them (us).

Now, I realize that I'm really preaching to the choir here. If you've made it to a point in your life where you're reading Autobiographically Too Flat, you are already hooked into the site. But assuming that's the case, use this opportunity and go buy an A3 album (I suggest the aforementioned Exile On Coldharbor Lane first).

Oh, crap. Today's talk like a pirate day. If I were really funny, I'd rewrite this entire blog in pirate. That so isn't happening.