All Too Flat : Serious : Ask The Fish

In an attempt to increase the frequency of updates to the site, we are adding yet another freaking blog. I don't know why we think this will increase the frequency of updates to site - we have at least three of the things anyway, and they are updated just about as often as Boston wins the World Series. But we try. Ask The Fish will now be done blog style, with new entries getting posted as soon as they are answered. Expect the same quality of advice that you have come to expect (from what is either a 800 lb halibut with a highly defined sense of irony, or one of four uber-geeks with nothing better to do on a Saturday night).

Alright, the Fish is back after popular demand, but we couldn't part with that adorable little dog picture. So this week, and possibly for some upcoming weeks, the Fish is going to be wearing a dog mask. Or maybe it's a dogfish. You know, in Hebrew 'dog' means 'fish'. No fooling!

Got a question? Need advice? Ask the Fish! Use the Ask the Fish Form to submit a question!

New: Search the Ask the Fish archives!

Dear Ask the Fish,
How do blind people tell the difference between dollar bills (e.g. $1 and $20)?
-

Dear ,
That's a great question! If you are in any country other than the United States (120 countries, to be exact), there are tactile clues on paper money to help identify the denomination. For example, each bill is a different size- same as coins. I assume you are refering to money in the United States. Currently, there are no ways to identify money without visual clues. There are companies that have created portable, electronic bill readers, but they are not widespread.
In fact, just one month ago, the American Council of the Blind filed suit against the Department of the Treasury for discrimination against blind people WRT money.
As an interesting note, one practical way in which many blind people confront this issue on a day-to-day basis (i.e. when buying things in stores), is holding up any bill that a cashier gives to them and ask the general public if it is the correct denomination. The other shopper in the store are going to be honest, even if the cashier isn't. Pretty smart, huh?
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
If each of you was a different Ghostbuster, who would you be, and why?
-

Dear ,
Well, Ton would definitely have to be Egon Spengler. That's the easy part. Then it gets hard. Kennyb would have to be Peter Venkman and Ben would be Ray Stanz because Kennyb still works at a university, and Ben "has worked in the private sector." KennyBustingMakesMeFeelGood?
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
If James Joyce was the best writer of the 20th Century, why are his books so hard to read?
-

Dear ,
Because all good things are hard.
If Michael was the best basketball player of the 20th Century, why did he dunk so hard?
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
will someone bring me a cup of joe in bed right now?
-

Dear ,
Probably not, espcially since you're the only one reading the questions at the moment.
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
So, how does one get a Bonus in Bejeweled? Sometimes it just seems to happen. But I can't figure out why.
-

Dear ,
The points are based on a multiplier depending on the level you're playing. It's x1 for level 1, x1.5 for level 2 and x2 for level 3. You'll receive 10 points for making a match of 3, 20 points for a match of 4, 30 points for a match of 5, and 50 points for a match of 6.
You'll also earn additional points when combination matches are made. If you make a match, the pieces disappear and the board shifts to accommodate the missing pieces. This can cause additional matches to be made as the board falls into place. Additional points are then added to the base number of points for each match. Here's how additional points are calculated:
Match 1: Points scored from match + 0
Match 2: +10
Match 3: +20
Match 4: +30
Match 5: +50
Match 6: +70
Match 7: +100
Match 8: +150
Any more: +200
Additional points are also based on the multiplier system. So for example, if in one move, you make a match of three on level 1, you'll receive 10 points = [(10 points for match of 3 x 1 for level 1) + (0 for match 1 x1 for level 1)]. If in one move you make two matches of 3 on level 1, then you'll earn a total of 30 points = [(10 points for match of 3 x 1 for level 1 + 0 for match 1 x 1 for level 1) + (10 points for match of 3 x 1 for level 1) + (10 points for match 2 x 1 for level 1)].
Here's how bonus points are awarded:
The indicator at the bottom of the game screen measures your progress towards scoring the Bonus reward. The indicator will progress towards the Bonus as you score points--the faster you score, the more quickly it moves. In skill levels 2 and 3, this indicator also measures your remaining time in the game. As the indicator ticks down, you'll need to score points to add time back to the clock. And if you're skilled enough, you'll still be able to reach that Bonus! The more times you reach the Bonus, the more points your Bonus reward will be worth.
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
So, you know what I'm excited about?
-

Dear ,
That the Mavs and Kings are out of the playoffs?
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
Which lasts longer in the fridge: a bag of prepared salad or a head of lettuce in a bag?
-

Dear ,
Surprisingly enough, the head of lettuce lasts longer in the fridge. Counterintuitive, no? You'd think the bag of salad would last longer because it is sealed in a bag and probably has preservatives and recombinant Lettuce Growth Hormone (rLGH) and DDT to increase its shelf life. But if you remember, the question was "which lasts longer in the fridge?" People are apt, and probably somewhat excited, to dive into a yummy bag of salad. But no one in their right mind is going to go through the hassle of cutting, washing, drying, and preparing a fresh head of some fru-fru lettuce like "romaine", not to mention adding their own vegetables. Feh. Who has time for that in this Information Age?
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
First how am I supposed to keep up with the world cup it being so early and all? and second, USA over Argentina? how the hell did that happen?
-

Dear ,
You mean Portugal?
As for your first question, hello? You live in the 21st century. There are so many ways to do time shifting it's ridiculous. TiVO, dVCR, DVDR. Get on the bandwagon. Alternately, wake up early (or stay up late). What the hell are you doing with your time anyway? Get your bum to an Irish pub and get involved in some 5am soccer riots!
And as for USA vs Portugal part? Errr...., Uhhh..... U-S-A! U-S-A!
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
What is the proper response when someone's cell phone goes off in a movie theater? Seriously, now--no "shove it up his grumpy-hole" nonsense. What should I do?
-

Dear ,
a) Nothing.
b) If you can determine who the person is, politely approach them after the movie and politely tell them that you find phones ringing in them movies distracting and disturbing, and if s/he wouldn't mind turning it off next time you'd appreciate it.
(You did ask for a serious answer, remember?)
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
Episode II: surprisingly deep or indescribably vapid?
-

Dear ,
I'm going to go with both indescribably deep and surprisingly vapid. (the Fish has always had commitment issues...)
We at All Too Flat were pretty stinking impressed with the whole thing. Clones, light saber battles, a young Boba Fett, how could you go wrong? Also, when Natalie Portman busts out (quite literally) with some provocative evening wear for a night in with Anakin, I'm a big fan. And finally, that outfit she was wearing in the desert, somewhat reminiscent of Leia's Slave Girl outfit from Episode VI? Come on, that's some oscar winning costuming right there.
I'd say some more, but I don't want to give too many spoilers for people who haven't seen it yet (and why is that?). But there's definitely some topical political subtext in the movie (either intentional, or we as audience members are just overlaying our own worldviews on this movie) about increased governmental controls in a period of unrest (coughcoughAshcroftcoughwheeze).
Oh, and Ton reminds me: Let's not forget Yoda tearing up some serious shit!
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
What with the whole Spider-Man thing going on, and Affleck filming "Daredevil" as we speak, I'm wondering what five monthly superhero comics I should be getting?
-

Dear ,
You forgot to mention the "Hulk" teaser at the beginning of Spider-Man. Comics abound! Anyway, to answer your question, the Fish consulted with it's resident comic expert, who goes by the alias "Comical in Kalamazoo." According to our source, here is the list, in descending order:
5. The Ultimates (writer: Mark Millar; artist: Brian Hitch)
4. X-Force (writer: Peter Milligan; artist: Mike Allred)
3. Daredevil (writer: Brian Michael Bendis; artist: Alex Maleev)
2. Ultimate Spider-Man (writer: Brian Michael Bendis; artist: Mark Bagley)
1. New X-Men (writer: Grant Morrison; artist: it varies, but the best is Frank Quitely--Ethan Van Sciver is also quite good, but regardless, buy this book)
We at ATF would like to take the time to point out the disproportionate number of M's in the names of the authors and artists of hot comics.
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
Why are there so many M's in the names of comic authors and artists?
-

Dear ,
It stands for Marvel.
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
Where's the Stephen Jay Gould Memorial Scientist Card?
-

Dear ,
At the bottom of the Lion prank page. Duh! It's with all the rest of the scientist cards. It's actually worth checking S-Gould out next to the original card. It's pretty funny.
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Dear Ask the Fish,
I have a lightsabre. Someone offered me a million dollars for it. What do I do?
-

Dear ,
Look- if you actually have a light saber and you really need to ask us what to do, you do not deserve a a light saber. Clearly you need to go outside and kick some serious ass! (oh- if you were asking what to do about the million bucks? You can probably hold out for more on e-bay...)
-ATF

31 Dec 1969

Got a question? Need advice? Ask the Fish!