ROOSEVELT FIELD, NY - Information technology worker Josh Michaels, 28, was stunned today by the discovery that the attractive young woman at whom he had been looking was born several weeks after the release of Batman, the superhero thriller that starred Michael Keaton in the title role.

"Holy shit--that girl is how old?" asked Michaels incredulously after the revelation that Becca Norwood, who at the time was talking on her cell phone outside the entrance to an Abercrombie & Fitch retail outlet, was born on August 2, 1989. "I mean, I'd already been to my first Pixies concert before her mom even got pregnant. And look at that belly shirt, the lipstick, the heels, the low-rider jeans--oh Christ, she's wearing a thong, isn't she? Goddammit, am I old."

Michaels continued to stare wistfully until girlfriend Kate Biernbaum, 29, returned from the ladies' room and reminded him that they had to get to the Pottery Barn before closing.