I'm not a violent man. I'm actually frustratingly non-confrontational, something I'm making an effort to change about myself. But there is just something about listening to Elliot Smith that makes me want to beat him up. And it's not just that I know it's a fight I could totally win - I felt this way before he died. It's the same thing with the guy from Dashboard Confessional - more, prob'ly. Sure it's good music, but the more I listen to it the more I want to slap the guy around. Everyone has got a mean streak, I suppose, and mine is brought to the light by folk musicians.

I was sitting in the office the other day, looking outside at a beautiful clear day, and sighed with happiness at the thought of leaving the office and taking a long walk through the park, and letting that sun beam warmly down on my face. Forgetting entirely, of course, that it's still only the middle of January and there's another few months of this to go. I didn't get angry, just sad.

Which in and of itself is a little concerning, since we are nearing the end of January, which means the beginning of February and the onset of my seasonal depression. I'm actually pretty interested in seeing how it goes this year. Every other year I've experienced it, it's had something on which to hang it's hat: problems dealing with school, relationship issues, body-image issues, money concerns, other sundry personal issues (like living in Ithaca NY - a place where the sun shines only for the three weeks in Spring when high school students visit the Cornell and Ithaca College campii, giving just enough time for them to say en masse "this looks like a great place to spend the next three to eight years of my life" before it transforms into a place where the very color has been washed from the surface of every visible object for miles). This year, my life has been good, is good, and looks like it'll be good for the forseeable future, so the only thing I have to be depressed about is being depressed. And while (as I'm learning from Godel, Escher, Bach, the most interesting book I've read since I last read something really interesting) Strange Loops are important, they are tough to generate in one short step like that. [ed - What about "This statement is false"? Be quiet, you]

To stave off the possibility of my mid-winter blues, I've been creating an emotional barrier built of music. It's been a positive barrage of upbeat and spring/summer themed tunes for me. The no-shirt on the concrete patio music of Sublime and Long Beach Dub Allstars, the melodic punk stylings of the Queers and the Ramones, and the easy-listening Carribean flows of Bob Marley and Enya. Hey - I really like "Orinoco Flow" alright? Fuck you anyway.

I've also listened to Green Day's "Dookie" 97 times in the past three weeks, which I feel only slightly less embarrassed about than the Enya thing.