In a follow up GChat with Ben, we were discussing what sort of hits "chicken shit punch" would return on a google search. Turns out that TWO of the total three hits were about Carmelo Anthony! This is definitely an interesting kind of data to know about your internet presence, and something that is really hard to find out. Any data analysis company can figure out where you stand in searches that make sense, and you want to be showing up in. But I think there is a market opportunity for a business to get into SEO on this sort of thing - highly negative, but unlikely searches for which you are the primary result.

Install goes very well. I download it, I run it, everything is happy. Except I have to reboot my computer. Since it's towards the end of the day, I have no interest in rebooting my computer. It can wait until tommorrow morning.

The next morning: I get into the office, still having not rebooted. I sit down, log in, and try to look at my Outlook calendar. Outlook doesn't run, with some relatively esoteric error messages about not being able to open some file or another. I get annoyed, and reboot my computer.

5 minutes pass, and I'm at the login screen. I login.

Another 5 minutes pass, and the computer has finally stopped grinding so much that everything is unusable. This is just general windows annoyance, and I can't really say that it's anything having to do with the browser. I work for a little while, and remember that "Hey! I have a new web browser installed!" Which I then bring up.

Since it's the first time I run it, it goes to a setup web page. One of the first options is selecting my default search engine. And it says "Hit the Apply Settings button below to choose an engine" or somesuch." OK. Just as I'm hitting the button, I notice that there's a little arrow on the side, which says 1 / 4 right under it. So by hitting the arrow prematurely (which it very clearly tricked me into doing), I am now stuck with 3 pages of Windows default browser settings. I don't know what's in there, but I suspect that it made IE my default browser, uninstalled Firefox, corrupted my Opera install, and sent a message to an MS intern to come around to my desk and stick a shoe in my butt.

But that's alright. It's almost my fault. Then I start to get a bunch of balloon popups. Do I know that their anti-phishing software isn't set up? Do I want to set it up? Under "No, please do not setup this anti-phishing software" it says "If you select this, the web pages you visit will not be sent to Microsoft to determine their safety" or somesuch.

Really, guys? That was an option? Sending you a complete record of all the webpages I visit? And you're tying that into a portion of the application which purports to increase the safety of my web browsing? At least when the TSA violates me, they are doing it for something which has no dollar value. How much are you guys getting out of the absurd amount of personal information you are collecting from this "Anti-Phishing" tool built into to your browser? And when is that guy with the shoe getting here - I don't want to be away from my desk.

Also what I learned is that I have to get plugins to support inline find and mouse gestures. This was the last ten minutes. I'll keep you updated if I can keep myself from beating unconscious myself with my keyboard.

Update:
I also think I just learned that installing it screwed up a bunch of my Outlook defaults. Nice.

Update II
And I just saw the first Netflix popup that I've seen in almost 5 years. Holy crap.

New Auto Security System Will Not Allow Car To Start If Driver Is Nick Nolte

I helped Sean get his start in news parody, with ATF's original feature, All Too Factual

UPDATE: Since I'm a lazy man, and don't actually read the emails that I get from my best friends, I didn't notice that Sean didn't actually write the Nick Nolte thing. But keep an eye out for the news banner on the bottom about Colonial Williamsburg: 100% Seanie!

Original image here.

Whenever you finish a major mission in Assassins Creed, you get a new ability (throw knives, tackle, etc). This kind of reminds me of the changes that have been occurring in my life recently. In addition to visiting my brother this weekend, I also turned 30 (happy birthday kennyb!). And, as you probably know, I got married in October. Honestly, neither of those things changed my life significantly (yet, anyway). But it *does* open up new abilities. Being married, for some reason, gives you the ability to provide people advice on things that you have no business giving advice. Being 30 gives me the special ability of having my balls busted by my (mostly sub-30) friends in new and exciting ways.

Anyway, this post isn't about that. It's about a box of Altoids I just opened up. The other day (Allison gets upset with me when I use that phrase, since she believes that it means "a couple of days or so ago." I disagree with this, since if I wanted a phrase that meant "a couple of days or so ago" I would say something to the effect of "a couple of days or so ago," or possibly "a couple of days ago, or so." To me "the other day" means some other day, potentially years back) I was chatting with Allison about how Altoids just aren't as curiously strong as I remember them being. I've been eating them fairly regularly these days, and I can do two at once without even blinking. Back in the day, if I were to try to do that, it would burn a sweet smelling hole (not often I get to type *that* phrase) through my toungue. This box brought me back to my childhood, like it was a sugar cookie (how's that for a literary reference? Oddly enough, hanging out with my niece this weekend also brought me back to my childhood. This makes sense, since her name is Madeline).

This is relevant, because it was the first time I pulled a "Back in the day" reminiscence since I turned thirty. This sort of thing is totally de rigeur for gentlemen of my age, so you best get used to it.

I do, however, have the openers down pretty well. One of my standard conversational techniques is to be self-deprecating in the name of humor. So many of the conversations go something like:

Me: Hi! My name's Ken. What's yours?

Other Person: Blahblahblah. What do you do for a living, Ken?

Me: Oh - I'm a software developer and project manager for a major financial news firm.

Other Person: Oh. That's cool.

Me: I don't know that 'cool' is really the right word. Interesting, perhaps. But not 'cool.'

Other Person: polite laugh

I was reminded of this standard interchange when doing some data analysis for aforementioned financial news firm. I was looking at the number of users who had some particular setting in their account, which had four possibilities. The first set of data I got included all of the user records that were in the database, including deleted or changed records. From that data, I got the relative percentage across each setting. But that wasn't accurate enough, so I got a more realistic set of data, which only contained actual current users. And though the raw numbers changed significantly, the relative percentages only moved in the 2nd decimal!

Upon noticing this, I said: Wow! Statistics are so cool! And then thought about it for a minute.

UPDATE:
Holy Freaking Crap

There's this lady that has the same work schedule as me, and so we end up at the bus stop at the same time about 2 or three times a week. Big Mets fan. I can tell, because every single day, she is bedecked in Mets gear. And I'm not just talking about wearing a baseball cap and being done with it. I'm talking about shirts (often jerseys, but sometimes sweatshirts. If it's chilly she'll wear a Mets spring jacket, artfully left open to show the fact that she's wearing a Mets shirt underneath. Today she was wearing a puffy Mets winter coat), Mets gloves, and hats (for all seasons: baseball caps, woolen hats, and once I think I saw her wearing a blue and orange sheitel). She's a Mets fan and no doubt about it.

I mention it today because, as I was waiting for the bus, crying crystalline tears from the cold, I buried my face in my wifes neck (partially because I love her, but mostly to draw some warmth from her core). As I looked down, I saw our Mets fan, standing next to us, with a pair of tennis shoes. On which she had glued little Mets logos on the side. She is now my favorite person in the city.